The rise of ultra-processed foods in the United States, spurred by acquisitions from tobacco companies and later influenced by profit-driven hedge funds, has led to these products dominating Americans’ diets at the expense of public health. Studies link high consumption of ultra-processed foods to increased risks of a variety of adverse health outcomes, including all-cause mortality. However, these associations appear to be driven largely by sweetened beverages and processed meats, raising the possibility that plant-based meats (PBM) could ironically offer a solution to the ultra-processed foods problem. Unlike other ultra-processed foods, PBMs score as healthier than the foods they are intended to substitute and similarly countervail other negative criteria typical of ultra-processed products. Compared with PBM, conventional meat has the worse nutrient profile, higher calorie density, more missing phytonutrients, and results in less satiety and more weight gain, gut dysbiosis, and oxidative stress. Insulin resistance and inflammation outcomes are similar or superior to meat, depending on the PBM tested, and heat-induced toxins and harmful additives depend on the chemicals in question. Other advantages to PBM include lower cancer risk and enhanced food safety. The lowering of LDL cholesterol from the partial replacement of meat with PBM could alone potentially save thousands of lives a year in the United States and billions of healthcare dollars. Whole plant foods fare even better, but PBMs appear to be the rare ultra-processed exception in that they are preferable to the foods they were designed to replace.